Monday, May 22, 2017

The Zimmerman Boulevard Submarine Sandwich Standoff

The perfect small town news story:
Veteran observers of town life and government said they're not surprised a man eating a sandwich caused such a stir.

1 comment:

G. Verloren said...

"It was another couple on the street who followed Pawlowski back to his office to ask what he was doing on their street. And another neighbor later called the police on him."

This is why we can't have nice things.

What kind of catastrophically demented person watches someone park their car and eat their lunch for over a year, and after all that time still can't draw the simple and obvious conclusion that the person they are watching is simply enjoying their lunch in a nice place? Even then, what drives them to feel the appropriate response is to follow them to their job and angrily demand an explanation? And even THEN, once it has been explained to them that the individual is merely enjoying a sandwich in a nice place, what drives them to find that explanation insufficient, and to demand they stop eatting lunch in that nice place?

What awful, monstrous, inhumane things have to happen in a person's life to make them so absurdly suspicious of other people? How self-important and egotistical do you have to be to think of the public street you live on as literally being "yours", to the point that you feel it is any of your business who happens to use it, or for which utterly ordinary purposes? And the people who complained don't even LIVE on the street in question! But I suppose in their minds, it is "their" neighborhood?

I'm heartened to read about the lady who actually lives where this errant sandwich lover enjoys his meals defending his lunchtime habit. It's always a comfort to see such a reasonable and kind response in the face of such lunacy.

Personally, I think there's a simple, elegant solution to be found. Since Tucker seems to approve of Pawlowski's lunch choice spot, and even invited him to use her porch to enjoy his sandwich, why not simply speak to him and ask if he'd like to park in her driveway for his lunch break?

Surely no one but the nuttiest of individuals could complain about her allowing a guest onto her own property? And surely the police would be free to ignore any such complaints even if they arose?