Marriage in America

I am about to praise an essay extravagantly, and this made me think of something very clever I just read by Orin Kerr about why people think things they read are brilliant:

One of the consequences of confirmation bias is that we are overly impressed by ideas that we happen to share. It’s a natural instinct, if not watched carefully. If you read something that reflects or resonates with your own views, you’ll agree with it. Upon agreeing with it, you’ll think it is highly persuasive. And if it’s highly persuasive, it’s probably brilliant. You see this often in the blogosphere when bloggers link to someone’s “superb” and “extremely insightful” post. You click on the link, and you’re underwhelmed by the post. But you realize it is strikingly similar to what the original linker thinks about the topic.

But, anyway, let me recommend Diane Johnson's review essay covering five recent American books about marriage. Johnson's approach is inquisitive -- she wants to know what research shows about marriage and happiness, and she wants to hear what these authors have to say. She summarizes their views and describes their styles with clarity and understanding. To parse out what she herself thinks of these books you have to consider subtle shades of wording, or refer back to statistics she cited elsewhere; she does not let her opinions get in the way of telling you what the author says. She knows enough history to have a long perspective, and enough statistics to understand when they are being misused and when they may not tell us what they seem to. She has done her homework about these writers, knows their previous books and their personal histories. That might sound dry, but Johnson is also clever. Here she considers Laurie Gottlieb's admonitions that women should settle for "Mr. Good Enough":

She gives lots of examples of her regretful friends, one of whom, Jocelyn, is typical of the exigent new woman. Jocelyn tells her,

I know that life is imperfect. But I just know that I require a certain emotional depth and insight in a guy, and if I can’t be with someone who truly appreciates my nuances, I’m not going to be interested in the long-term.

Of course we know that Jocelyn is doomed to solitude. “I require” is the kind of phrase that in fairy tales bad queens and stepsisters are punished for using, and “my nuances” is a phrase that has no female literary equivalent that I can think of.

Anyway, if you have any interest in these matters, read it.