Thursday, November 14, 2019

The Curator Boyfriend

Elle thinks the coolest guy to date this year is an art curator:
Unlike archetypes of boyfriends past — the Investment Banker, the Silicon Valley Tech Guy, the Artist/Freelance Videographer/Professional Plant Owner — the Curator is a breath of fresh air, presenting a bounty of attractive qualities that challenge existing dating-pool stereotypes.

The Curator is endowed with qualities that include, but are not limited to: the business savvy to navigate the high-stakes art market, enough sensitivity to appreciate the latest Marina Abromovic performance piece, and the occasional invite to party on a boat with Stavros Niarchos. They’re well-read, worldly and engaged in shaping critical dialogues of our times. The kind of guy you can discuss post-humanism with over pizza, who comments on the decor while ordering you a cab but letting you split the bill.

We’re about to enter a new decade, and being self-aware and socially conscious has never been more attractive. Someone who can point to a favorite Louise Bourgeois sculpture or be brought to tears looking at an El Anatsui assemblage is not only in touch with his emotions but also cares about wider social, geopolitical and cultural issues. A Curator may still ghost you, but it’s probably because he’s doing something legitimately interesting with his time, like scouting in the foothills of the Himalayas. . . .

Ultimately, a Curator’s heightened attunement to art has a trickle down effect into what is the most differentiating and attractive quality of all— taste. Good taste is what most likely allowed a 21-year-old Vito Schnabel (the OG Cute Curator of the early ‘00s) to date the much older Demi Moore, later Heidi Klum, and most recently Amber Heard. Good taste doesn’t listen to Chris Brown, leave half-drunken six packs around your apartment or wear bad shoes. Sorry to that man, and every guy who does this.
Sorry folks I won't be posting much over the next week, I have to fly off to the Himalayas to find some art to cry over so I can date Heidi Klum.

1 comment:

G. Verloren said...

Hachi machi! Different strokes for different folks and all, but sometimes I'm indescribeably glad to have absolutely nothing to do with certain circles.

This reads like a parody piece to me, and if it didn't I can only imagine it would make bile rise in my throat. The portrayal of a false dichotomy between either being a sensitive art world aficionado who cries over sculptures made of recycled bottle tops, or being a slovenly drunkard who wears the "wrong" shoes, is fantastically absurd.

It's like listening to someone with more money than sense talking about shopping for a new car. I can't help but wonder if the reasons people read Elle looking for relationship advice are also the reasons why they need advice in the first place.