Fawning

The NY Times informs us about a new psychological threat: excessive fawning.

With her new book, Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You, Ms. Josephson hopes to help people who think that “I can’t feel OK unless the other person is OK,” she said.

I asked Ms. Josephson to explain three key takeaways from her book that can help people stop the urge to fawn.

Don’t automatically assume you did something wrong. You can challenge your perception that someone is mad at you, Ms. Josephson said, by asking these questions: Is this story I’m telling myself absolutely true? Is this person’s behavior unusual or just consistent with how he communicates? Could there be other reasons for the person’s perceived distance, such as work stress or a recent breakup? . . .

Check fawning behavior by starting small. For people who habitually fawn, it can feel intimidating to set boundaries and say no, Ms. Josephson said. So begin with low-stakes situations.

Notice when you’re using people-pleasing phrases that you don’t actually mean, such as “no problem” if something does present a problem, and “is this OK with you?” if it’s not OK with you. . . .

Why don't I know anybody like this? How come nobody is excessively fawning over me?

Instead of being surrounded by people who worry about offending me, I have “G.”

Sigh.