My Presidential Platform

I can sum up my platform with one noble word from a past era of American politics: normalcy.

After the woke madness and then the MAGA Madness, after January 6 and the George Floyd riots and the ICE assault on America, I promise to get America back to normal. No more video of fighting in our streets. No judicial persecutions, no threats to our electoral system, no trying to get people fired for their views. 

I will promote a legal regime with no special privileges for anyone. If being a regular old American isn't good enough for you, go somewhere else.

My goal will be that unless some foreign crisis pops up, my name will appear in headlines only once a year, for my state of the union address. In those addresses I propose to talk about things like how many miles of highway have been repaved, how many acres of solar arrays have been installed, how many houses have been built. Otherwise I will devote my time to things too boring for most people to notice, like NEPA reform, improving the power grid, fixing our naval shipbuilding mess, and reducing corruption in Medicare and Medicaid.

I promise to pass a budget every year, on time. I promise to get the budget deficit headed downward.

I promise to appoint judges devoted to defending the constitution.

I promise to stay off social media and instruct my administration to do likewise. We will post only to make Americans aware of important developments, like changes in Medicare rules.

I promise that every activist in the country, of whatever stripe, will complain that my administration is not doing enough. 

Thank you for your attention.