After all, what can a first impression tell us about someone we’ve just met for a minute in the lobby of a hotel? For that matter, what can a first impression tell us about anyone? Why, no more than a chord can tell us about Beethoven, or a brushstroke about Botticelli. By their very nature, human beings are so capricious, so complex, so delightfully contradictory, that they deserve not only our consideration, but our reconsideration—and our unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour.
–Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow
"unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour"
ReplyDeleteThe statement starts out reasonable enough, but here it ends in a way that seems fundamentally absurd.
Yes, first impressions are frequently wrong, and most things deserve a second or even a third chance. But it's equally absurd to suggest that people must keep giving things an unlimited number of chances, until they've explored every possible aspect of them.
Consider Towles' own example of Beethoven. Would he demand that a person spend their life studying every single piece of his music, in every possible setting and in every possible permutation or variation, before forming an opinion?
There is a limit to the amount of time, effort, and energy people can feasibly devote to things. Most things deserve a second chance even if the first impression is not favorable, but beyond that you quickly run into diminishing returns on your investment. If you've disliked something twice, odds are not great you'll change your mind the third time, or the fourth, et cetera, and it's completely insane to suggest that we should give every single person we come across a potentially unlimited portion of our attentions until we grow to approve of them.
Not everyone is a Beethoven worthy of your attention, and in most cases it should be obvious at first brush if someone or something actually is of such high caliber, and it should be all but permanently assured by the second or third chance.
Wonderful Book.
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