This Year's Baby Names, or, Why Would You Do That to Your Son?

This year's annual list of popular baby names from the Social Security Administration has no news at the top, where Sophia heads the girls' list for the second year in a row and Jacob heads the boys' for the fourteenth. But down in the list are some peculiar happenings.

At 39 on the boys' list is Brayden, chosen by 8451 families who don't know what donkeys sound like.

Further down at 57 is Angel, given by Joss Wheedon fans to 6975 boys. I might suspect that this was really an Evangelical thing except that number 217 is Xander, given to 1700 infants who will always wonder what their parents meant by it. (Zander was given to 1446 boys by Joss Wheedon fans who can't spell.)

Bentley was the choice of 5832 anglophile snobs.

The mysterious Jaxson came in at 106. Where did that come from?

There will be 2920 Kadens and 2643 Kaidens in this generation, some of whom will feel compelled to become sword-wielding barbarians. Perhaps they will form rival tribes based on spelling and do battle on a darkling plain while women named Amaya (no. 215) and Ariella (no. 544) lament in the background.

One of the most rapidly rising boys' names is King, which shot up 133 spots to number 256, delighting me as I imagine the ways this might play out. Will they all insist on being called Your Royal Highness? Say things like, "Don't look at the king!" Demand droit de seigneur?

Games of Thrones fans lifted Arya 280 places to no. 431 for girls. There are still 590 Friends fans who opted for Chandler.

Bordering on child abuse is Uriel, chosen by 557 parents who have forgotten playground life. And what are to make of the 362 parents who chose Nixon? Or the 288 boys who will bear the mark of Cain?

But the weirdest thing for me is the sudden appearance of Messiah at number 387, inflicted on 762 poor young boys. How many jokes will these unfortunates suffer about waiting for them to come?