1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
Australian nurse
Bronnie Ware has spent her career taking care of the dying, and she has written two books about what people think about as they die. The most recent is The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The Guardian has a summary:
It's interesting to see this article paired with the Wapiti Valley story below it. I wonder, if that fellow had lived long enough, if he would have regretted being true to himself.
ReplyDeletePeople seem to think that there is something individual and authentic about dying thoughts, but I wonder if they are not as much controlled by social expectations as any other kind of speech. I don't think the dying suddenly acquire deep wisdom. In general, the more important the occasion, the more we fall back on stereotyped or even ritual modes of speaking, so dying people may be saying what they think they are supposed to say.
ReplyDeleteI don't doubt that many Americans long for more individual, authentic lives, more devoted to friends, family and self-expression than to work and getting along, but those are desires we draw from our society.
True. I more just wanted to comment on the fact that here is someone who seems to be true to himself, who might come to regret it (not necessarily as he was dying, just as time passed). Another way of putting it is that self-expression can end up separating a person from friends and family.
ReplyDeleteYes, absolutely. The things we regret not doing can be contradictory. An ordinary life often represents a balance between incompatible extremes, threading a course between independence and family closeness, for example. We may end regretting both that we did not have enough wild adventures and that we were not close enough to friends and family, but there may not be any other sort of life that would have worked out better.
ReplyDelete