tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304928500646903522.post4405418190375034159..comments2024-03-28T18:32:05.933-04:00Comments on bensozia: Achievement and Negative EmotionsJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01037215533094998996noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304928500646903522.post-82735423383707610172021-06-15T22:27:13.059-04:002021-06-15T22:27:13.059-04:00Re: Fear of the negative. I am reminded of my firs...Re: Fear of the negative. I am reminded of my firstborn who, when told “do well on this test and you’ll get an ‘A’” responded in all serious,” why would I want an A?”<br /><br />I have no idea what might have motivated my sons to do well in school. None of the seemed to fear failure in a way that motivated them to work hard and do well. I’m at least one or two of them, however, fear of failure may have resulted in paralysis masked by indifference. ArEnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13839182981389019243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304928500646903522.post-62391260434993358692021-06-15T17:02:48.079-04:002021-06-15T17:02:48.079-04:00Shadow is absolutely dead on target here!
I taugh...Shadow is absolutely dead on target here!<br /><br />I taught for decades at an upper-middle-class suburban high school in a New Haven suburb, one of the top 5 or 10 schools in all of CT based on the assorted ranking systems.<br /><br />We had many Asian-American students, and a goodly number of them were almost paralysed by fear of failing: their families, their family's honor, the image they'd been forced to create of themselves. These fears are inculcated and reinforced at home.<br /><br />One girl, K, the third of her family to have graced my advanced sophomore English class, dissolved into tears and admitted to what sounded to me like clinical depression. I did send her to her guidance counselor with a note suggesting making use of the school psychologist. But I also had already talked to her about *why* she felt as she did. Pressure at home not to be a "failure." She had to pursue violin and piano. She had to demand to be placed in honors sections and get all As there (as her sisters had done). She could not become involved in school activities such as sports or drama, because she had to do all the things her parents thought appropriate. What *she* wanted to do was play the trumpet and run track.<br /><br />I was fortunate to have a good relationship with the parents (having taught their other daughters, one of whom was my own daughter's friend). So I made an excuse to keep K after school and then offered to drive her home, knowing I'd be invited in. I explained to her parents the conflict K was feeling, and encouraged them to find a way to allow both their goals for her and her goals for herself. Astonishingly, it worked! I think she was the happiest of their three in the long run (as of the last time I saw any of them, perhaps 15 years ago).<br /><br />I should also add that as a third generation American Jewish child, I faced some of those same pressures, though there was some mitigation from my parents' experiences in the Depression.<br /><br />One of the fears that these parental pressures and expectations generate, based on my experience, was the fear of being no longer lovable if one fails to meet the expectations, however unreasonable.pootrsoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05975929246429466067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304928500646903522.post-16408575306049284262021-06-15T16:02:29.333-04:002021-06-15T16:02:29.333-04:00Parents are teachers too. Shouldn't they be pa...Parents are teachers too. Shouldn't they be part of this discussion? Teachers don't get brand new kids out of the box. The kids are already programmed to respond to criticism in whatever way works in the family unit. I'm always amazed at how differently kids respond to criticism. One corrects his faults and improves, another shatters into pieces. <br /><br />Shadowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05353532874773316117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8304928500646903522.post-11292560579277854602021-06-15T09:32:18.653-04:002021-06-15T09:32:18.653-04:00For a first response, I would say that, over the l...For a first response, I would say that, over the long term, fear works well for some and not others. And for many, it works, but only semi-well--i. e., sometimes and not at other times. Fear can also fail as a motive in different ways. Schoolhouse fear seems to have failed completely to motivate Siskind and others of his sort--they seem largely impervious to it. And I have students who are very bright and write well, but have been so paralyzed by fear that they simply can't get anything done.<br /><br />To me, it also seems that the power to impose fear is a grave responsibility.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14456987412710878404noreply@blogger.com